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13 Dec 2007, 5:43 pm / Angry
The last few months have been hell on me. I left everything I know and the people I loved. I couldn't do it anymore right then. I had a chioce get on the bus or stay and try to work though the hell i was going though. I was breaking down mentelly and I just wasn't going to hold on longer. See at the time I made arangements to come down to NC for a while to get my head straite. I thought me and my gf at the time were though from the last time. I wasn't with her long like my last one before her. The one before was on and off again relationship for almost 4 years. That one was for more out of lust then anything else I do belive. It wasn't love. When we finally broke up for good I was doing my own thing. I was living with roomates. Worked at a good job. Partied when I could. Times I come home and find a party. Then I started to hang out with this girl named Rachel. She lived up stairs from me. Now imagen a girl that is 26 years old hispanic and native americain that is 5 foot one and her body is like an hour glass. she is hot. White skin like the moon lite and her eyes and hair dark has the night it self. I was in huh while I hanged out with her. I would be there before work after work on my days off. She had a husband but they were getting a divorce. To tell you the truth I didn't think I had much of a chance with here. She has two kids. one a year old and the other 2 year old. They loved being around me and I liked being around them. At the time she lived above but I was hardly home in my apartment. My roomate would ask me when I was going to hang out with them at some point. I was making 800 to 1000 a month part time and I was only paying 300 a month plus my cell phone. I was living it up. Rachel and I wonded up together. It was great in the begainning and then we wanted to get a apartment together. That was ok. It was working out just find until around 4th of july. That is a lot of things hit the fan. She started to hang out with a guy that I really didn't like all that much. I was getting pissed. So unstand of hurting her feels and I did tell her I didn't like her hanging around him he was bad news. I didn't tell her that she couldn't instead I started to drink very heavly. I went to work sober but soon I was down work I hit the bottle. It was a wrong move on my end. I got my self into a lot of trouble. I was at the bar alot and having fun. The something happen. She went to the hospital and almost died. She drink some tea and didn't know excitly what it was or what is in it. So I stopped drinking and she know she did wrong. But because of what she did we still didn't have enough money to get an apartment. I was sleeping on friends couchs because my roomate left because they were having a baby and I didn't want to keep the apartment. The naborhood was a bad place. I didn't want her kids there any more. I was save up mad money. She didn't tell me that she spent a lot of the money on gods knows what. I was giving up my whole pay checks damn it to get a place. The last time I got the numbers that was saved up was 1600 and that was before the 4th of july. She said that she got 3 months a tanf and that we are 200 shy and the time she told me this was the day before I left. I quit my job and was ready to go. Now that I think of it. I wish she got a hold of my soonner then then. Or I would still be there with her. I am angry at my self because toward the end I was in the wrong not her. She was trying to make for it and I was too angry and depressed to see it until it was too late. We talk here and there though yahoo messeger. She told me "if fate brings us back together lets be more honest with each other and try to do it better then last time" A part of me hopes that happens but right now I have to find my self.
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