DATE: 14 Apr 2006, 9:52 pm / MOOD: Angry

I swear...if he ruins this...if he fucking ruins this......

I WILL BASH HIS FUCKING FACE IN.

...And so the bloodlust grows stronger......

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DATE: 12 Apr 2006, 8:49 pm / MOOD: Bored

Laying still in the yard,
The grass has gained a golden tint,
All around the outline of where I had once played,
Where I was now laid,
Watering the flowers again,
A cluster of hues trying to resurrect me,
I tripped one last time,
With my times last lively chime,
Wounds that had once bled crimson,
Now squirm with masses of maggots,
Youthful skin now replaced with clay,
Hiding the dawning decay.

A forest now dimmed to an eternal gloom,
Gold deteriorated to mere soil,
Windows now faded away,
A spirit never meant to stay,
Sobbing over me are many deprived gazes,
Branches of a living tree sooth these dead limbs of mine,
Once with veins that had matched the sky's color,
Now with veins taking on a hue of horror,
No longer am I to return her caress,
For the game was created by myself,
Cut at the flesh until it burns,
Swallow the poison until the stomach churns.

Sedated with the fumes of depression,
Writhing under the pin of hopelessness,
It was the only game I could play alone,
Where my scars of the past could really be shown,
Gently-my grandest of Mothers takes me in,
Burying my frail self in her strong embrace,
I'm the winner,
The perfect sinner,
For the last time-the gate is closed,
Leaving me to my solitude in which I will find my maturity,
Before my eyes-there is a Sanctuary,
But for my childish foolishness.........


.........I was led to an above ground cemetery........

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DATE: 10 Apr 2006, 8:32 pm / MOOD: Horny

Her taste lingers within my mouth,
I feel around with the tip of my tongue,
Not letting one drop of her escape,
My breath is still fiery from repeatedly growling her name,
I rest my head...sore from getting my hair violently yanked at,
Sweat...incense...the timid night air...our essence...
In my arms she's still breathing so hard,
Against my bare body...
Bloody...sweaty...worn out...but still wanting more,
Holding her...but still in her arms as well,
I'm pulled in by slumber,
Then I realize...feeling cold on the inside,
I didn't fall asleep...
.....I woke up......

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DATE: 09 Apr 2006, 2:10 pm / MOOD: Dont know

I'm fading.

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DATE: 09 Apr 2006, 9:32 am / MOOD: Angry

Forcing my trembling fingers to flick the light switch on,
A buzzing in my head,
Squinted eyes flooded with fiery tears,
Eyes sore with smoke and sorrow,
Leaned against the wall in a place of mirrors and porcelain,
Giving in to the hopelessness of the situation,
Gazing down at the cracks with a quivering heart,
Whispering to myself..."It will always be like this.",
My head throbs as my spirit does,
I stumble back into Darkness,
Feeling a sense of vertigo as I sob my way through it all,
Collapsing back onto the mattress,
Helplessly keeping my head downcast as everything spins,
I already know the answer,
She scolds me for stating how it probably all will be,
Saying she doesn't know,
But still filling me with dillusions,
Maybe it's true,
Maybe I'm just a fucking compulsive liar with nothing more to hope for.

It really is going to be like this...always.




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DATE: 07 Apr 2006, 7:43 pm / MOOD: Bored

You can't draw away once the skin is split,
Look up at me with those eyes,
Begging to be gouged out with their innocence,
Run the tip of your tongue along my raw being,
Bleeding...Smiling...
Bared muscles constricting with ecstasy,
Gnaw at the sides to widen the gash,
Dig deeper...deeper...
Consume what I am.

With gained strength,
Be condemned by bloodlust,
My little power-hungry whore,
Stop fucking around,
Ask for more.

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DATE: 06 Apr 2006, 4:14 pm / MOOD: Lonely

Today, like everyday...I feel so empty. My hollow insides make it all the more likely that my very being is going to crash in at any given moment...I sit in this little area of complete isolation, frown at all the smiling faces that pass by...damn them all, if I weren't held back by my promise of etenity to my Goddess...I would have lynched them all by now. My beloved Lauren, how much longer must we be separated? I know you can't really get on here anymore.....because of that stupid woman....

*Sighs*

Two more months...
Goddess...please let me drag through this wait...and get what I've been anticipating...for what is now, nine months.It will be eleven before it finally happens.



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DATE: 05 Apr 2006, 6:08 pm / MOOD: Horny

Waking up to the reek of a fallen orgy,
Covered in blood,
And the bulk of my essence,
No longer breathing as they did with the penetration,
From the first to the deepening last,
Face buried in the raw chest of my last resort,
Acrid with a night passed,
Soon the earth bound clouds of decay will crawl in,
Seeping in with hunger while writhing,
I'll be gone by then.

Sleep on the floor bitch,
Out in the hallway,
Silence your weak tears,
While listening through the doorway.

On the run with an aging expression,
That soon becomes the landscape of the convicted,
Filling in the running spaces with all the distorted faces,
Down in the stench there will be destruction,
Burning flesh in the air is an omen,
On through the dust there will be betrayal,
The clouds are spreading,
Scattered with desire but not quite together,
With his face smashed in I bid my comrade his last farewell.

I saw your face amongst the hunters,
Closing my eyes with a twisted smile,
I heard how ready they were for justice,
Tugging at the lever...I went that last mile.

One last high-pitched whimper of life,
Closing in light...
Final Darkness.



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DATE: 26 Mar 2006, 9:45 pm / MOOD: Horny

Bring forth our Darkness,
You'll always win me over,
Give life to my rage,
Your manipulative soothing,
A touch so gentle,
This Demon is at ease,
When you have me by the horns,
You tear them out and impale me so many times,
With bloodshed,
In thy name,
Consume my power,
Rendering me weak...
and,
You...
the only...
higher power...
that I'll ever acknowledge with bowed head...
and lowered defenses.

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DATE: 16 Mar 2006, 8:59 pm / MOOD: Lonely

My lips are dry...I lick them ever so rapidly...rapidly...rapidly...it won't stop, that sensation of fertile existence. Blinking...blinking...the environment is a scene from an out-of-date film of the slowing mind,what's happening? I'm breathing, yet I'm not taking in the oxygen myself...the air is too thin...it flows in from somewhere else, another soul.I try to keep my eyes open, I only see a blur...The splotches of flesh writhe with something I've never felt...or seen, directed towards me. She kisses me...and it's like no sensation that I've ever felt in my life. She breathes into me, tells me it's okay-that I'll get through this...that she'll guide me through.

My dear Goddess, how I revere to you.

I pray...to the Earth beneath my grateful soul, the sky hovering over the mind which is formed from countless chains of thought,the presence of life...all around me.

Please stay...

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