19 Feb 2008, 6:34 am / Drunk
hmm.. so.. i dunno why i'm up this damn early.... and drinking at that! *raises wine bottle* i got tired of doin the classy thing and goin back and forth to refill my glass...... so i just grabbed the bottle... makes it a lot easier. so i'm tryin to find a NEW job... i'm still at the pathetic gas station (hey it's a job.. some $ is better than no $) ...but i think i found my dream job! *flutters eyelashes* i submit my resume bout two days ago... haven't heard back yet but they're not closin the opening until the 27th.. so they probably haven't even gotten to lookin at em yet.. i'm just so impatient heh. but yea.. it's for the Bartlett animal shelter *screams with excitement* lol how fuckin weird is it to be excited over somethin like that... well FUCK Y'ALL i'ma animal freak.... and i turn into one in bed RIGHT BABY!?!? *RAWWRRR* mmk.. lol but yea.. 'excited' is an understatement i guess... but it'll either be somethin like that or i'll just end up bein a damn pharmacist (lotsa moneys!) which wouldn't be bad but C'MON! everyone wants there dream no matter what it is.. SO IF YOU WANNA BE A RODEO CLOWN THEN YOU GO FOR IT, MAN! EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T BORN WITH ANY ARMS OR LEGS... YOU FUCKIN GO FOR IT! WOOOOOO.. mmk.. well.. let's see.. what else is on my mind... i'm worried bout my man... i'm pretty damn sure he has sleep "Ap-knee-ah" lmao i dunno how to spell it i just know how to say it heh.. i dunno what he can do bout it though... they usually just put you in the hospital and run all kinds of tests and watch you for bout 3 days then they tell you what they think you need... but i don't want weirdos watchin my baby in his room while he's supposed to be tryin to sleep! lol.. plus i doubt he wants to sit in one room for 3 days and only allowed out to use the bathroom.... i'd go nuts and i have no problem sleepin! especially not in April 2006!! LOLOLOLOL! mmk.. so yea.. I'M WORRIED! >_< bout all kinds of things! i actually think the reason i am clutching this bottle is cuz of last night... ugh ..you ever needed .. i mean REALLY NEEDED.. to talk to someone.. and you just sit there and go down the numbers in your phone trying everyone you feel safe enough to talk to and even some that you don't just to maybe hear someone's voice and it'll clear your head... just maybe...... and then no one's there. not a single person picks up or their friend/mother tells you they're asleep or whatever it may be, there's just no one there to talk to you...... in your desperate time of need... and it gets you thinking.... so many people and not one of them available when it counts... is it supposed to be this way... does someone out there want you to be alone and learn to deal with shit on your own....... are you just better alone.. or are they just tryin to tell you that this' how it'll be in the end... so learn now and get used to it...? eh... and this' why i started this blog in the first place.. to get away from thinkin bout this..... great huh........... well it wasn't all lost... my 'would-be savior' of the night called me but i was too far gone to tell him that i had just spent the past 4-5 hours wallowing in my own emotional bullshit and the bottom of a few wine bottles and a 6 pack of smirnoff ..i'm surprised i even had two left this morning (the wine) though i'm on the 2nd one now...... ugh.. i'll tell him today... then he'll have more at his feet....... yay i'm a burden.. so lovely! *closes eyes and wishes last night would have turned out differently* he's gonna yell at me for not sayin somethin sooner... and i should be yelled at... what the hell was i thinking...... *takes another big drink* time to face the music..? i think so... wow.. there's actually a mood for this one.. well ...somethin like that anyway.
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