What institution? The one which into which I most long to assimilate-- the college institution. Of course, logically I should be saying, "Fuck my mother," but that's just not me and it sounds plain wrong.

 So fuck the institution that costs more than it needs, making it difficult for an honest, hard working, passionate person to have a chance. That's all I want. I want one semester to prove I can be great all on my own, no one hounding me, no one disapproving of my mistakes or rewarding of my accomplishments. No one taking credit for who and what I am. I know I'll be wonderful. I'll blow people out of the fucking water with my brilliance...

If I get a chance.

I spent five hours of my day on the phone yesterday. Most of it on hold, waiting to talk to someone about getting help. In the end, nothing was any better. I just felt miserably worse. A failure.

I deserve college. I've worked hard for it. I went to orientation and sat through all the lectures, walked until my feet bled trying to run around and experience EVERYTHING I could, meanwhile listening to  seventeen and eighteen year olds whose parents were paying for everything, who'd driven or flown them there in style (I took a bus-- six hours) giggling about how they were going to party. I was more excited by the prospect of starting college Latin classes and Lit and archaeology courses! And, oh, the circus...

I was roomed with an idiot who was all excited to be 'in college' and wanted to meet all the guys, even fucking brought some back to our dorm while I was trying to sleep, sick as a dog. "Is that the stripper?" Oh, gee, thanks for telling people something you overheard in a conversation between myself and someone on the phone, you ditsy bitch. She'll get to go to college, no problem. But not I.

It's community college for me and once I've proven myself there, hopefully...

I just want to learn.