Okay, so I'm here to rant.

Life. The Decisions came today. It was negative. For some reason, I am at peace with that, although I do feel myself filled with some strange energy. Not necessarily a negative one, but still. I feel the urge to roller blade and it's nearly ten in the evening, I haven't eaten since about two, and I biked seven miles today. But there it is.

This are so confusing. I'm feeling somewhat odd. Not crazy, really. No, just... craving. Deeply. More than food, more than water, more than anything right now. I want. I crave. So much at once, that I feel as though it should be burning my skin, this need for sensations beyond my grasp. Pain, pleasure,  breathlessness, burning limps, acid blood, cool water, hot wax, falling, pulling, pushing, screaming, howling at the moon, laughing wildly at nothing and everything, seeking new territory, rediscovering old, pushing myself to the edge and back a million times over until I should be dead, but with this energy, it's all possible. All possible.

 But I know it will go to waste. A pity, that. I finally have my body back, look and feel better than I have in ages In Spite of Everything. In spite of chest pains so bad I've actually cried out in pain, in spite of the arguing. In spite of changing my world. I have this life, this pulsing Life. And it will come to nothing.

C'est la vie, right?