DATE: 22 Jul 2008, 4:33 pm / MOOD: Don't Know

He had been wearing a black suit, I remember it well. His platinum hair was tied back into a horse tail. He was wearing a ridiculous bright blue tie that clashed with his yellow green eyes. He had taken me to a small meadow in the forest next to his house. It was a clear night, with a bloody moon. He had taken me out for a midnight picnic. He had brought my favorites with us. There was red wine accompanied by strawberries. There was kiwi and mango, but we never got to taste the delicious fruit. We ran back to his house as soon as we smelt the smoke.

Someone had set the old two story house on fire. The vines that wrapped around the south side of the house and up the chimney had burnt to a crisp. The Victorian windows were smashed in.

“My information,” I whimpered feeling an ache in my heart as I saw flames licking out through the shattered glass. The black curtains were in tatters.

He stepped away from me, towards the building.

I grabbed his sleeves, wrapping my arms around his right arm. “Wait! Please don’t,” I cried knowing what he planned to do. “I can make new documents! It’s not worth it!” He pulled away from my hold with ease.

He looked back at me and smiled white his brilliant white teeth. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back, I promise.” Then he disappeared into the flames that tore through the home that his family had lived in for generations.

I stood there hypnotized by the dancing inferno. I was afraid of the fire, he knew that. I tried to follow him but the embers were carried by the wind and into my eyes. I yelped as they touched my right hand and burned the flesh.

I pulled back the wind whipping at my skirt I watched the fire, clutching my hand to my chest. My black long sleeved shirt had burn marks on it.

I remember hearing a scream when the roof fell in. It took me a moment to the scream came from my own mouth.

I fell to my knees and just watched as the fire burned the building to the ground. I didn’t do anything, paralyzed by my own fear of getting burned.

The firemen came almost thirty minutes later, much too late. They found his body under a support beam in the study, his arms wrapped around his laptop. His entire body had been completely charred. They said he must have gotten hit and knocked out.

There was an article in the local paper a week later saying that the fire must have been arson. The authorities never caught the person who did it. For months they blamed me for the fire, but the picnic was still laid out so the accusations stopped after a while.

All I did was stand there. Why didn’t I follow him.

I promised myself that night that I would never get close to anyone again, but I’ve broken that vow over and over and paid dearly for it.

Anytime I get near someone I feel the burns again, though most of the scars are gone. I’m a fool to think that maybe, just maybe, I can care for someone without them paying for it.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I just give into my fears, or should I keep trying?

What will I do if I loose another loved one. I cant stand it. It hurts too much to think about.

It was just information, could I have stopped him if I really tried.

If I had gone in with him could I have saved him.

Damn all my fears.

I just want to stay empty, at least that’s what I tell myself, even though I know it’s a lie.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 22 Jul 2008, 4:31 pm / MOOD: Vampy

Twist around my wrist.. Over the back of my hand and brush across my knuckles.. Over and over…

Crazy, I wind my rope.

I sit in a cell and wind rope. No one bugs me, they think I'm a little too weird. I've never tried to choke myself, so no one bothers me or try to take away my rope ..It makes me feel like I'm actually on those cops level, being trusted and all..

They don't know what they've gotten themselves into, though.

I wind rope to pass the time. The rough feeling of it makes me smile as I spin it between my hand and leg, watching the rope rub my skin raw is a powerful feeling too.

Maybe it's not called winding rope. I'm not sure what it's called, but I'm close to be done.. It's only a foot long and two inches thick, I can't do any damage with it, promise...

They open the cell and push some filthy man in here. He's screaming at them to let him go, to let him out..

My rope's done. I stand up, and walk up behind him. I can feel the blood from my rubbed raw skin sliding down my leg.. Ooh, it feels nice..

I grip the rope between my hands and suddenly pounce on the man. He's six foot five, and I'm five six. I look like a backpack on the mans back, but that doesn't matter because he's turning blue as I choke him and I'm laughing.

The cops are yelling at me to let him go.. They're opening the cell...The man falls back and I jump off his back, still holding the rope in my hands.

"Give me the rope, come on.." the cute, young cop says. I smile at him and slowly walk towards him. He's got his gun out, aww.. He doesn't trust me.

I hold the rope out to him, and as he slowly reaches for it, I suddenly kick him in the stomach. He flies into the bars... Hm, too much power, I think..

I turn on the older cop who has his gun pointed at me too. I'm still holding the foot long rope.. It's covered in my blood and looks gross I'm sure.. but I like it.

"Come .. the rope and no one gets hurt." he said. His voice was deep, and reminded me of someone..

I almost drop it, then frown. "But he's already hurt, along with him." I say, pointing the cop and the prisoner.
He shifts his weight. "Yes, but no one else will get hurt if you drop the rope." he said, cocking his gun.

"Now now, you wouldn't shoot a girl who's unarmed, would you?" I asked, tying the rope around my wrist, smiling slightly. He looks kind of stunned as I say that.

I step closer, holding my arm out to him. "You can take it, if you want it."

He shifted, then stepped closer and with one hand started to untie the rope. When it was off, I grabbed his wrist he held the gun in and twisted it, snapping his wrist. He howled in pain and I punched him in the jaw, knocking him out. He fell in a heap and I picked up my rope, tying it around my arm again.

I heard the other prisoners howling that I should let them out. I walked along their cells, flicking the bars with my rope, watching their expressions.

"If I let you out, I'll only kill you." I cooed to them, then turned and left the jail.

It was night, glorious night and I took off running. I had no shoes, since they took those from me, since I had hidden knives in there. Cops, such nervous creatures..

I ran for a long time, till I was in the middle of the city. Few people were walking around and moved out of my way, since well...I looked crazy.

After all, I had this rough patch of bleeding skin on my thigh, blood oozing down my leg, a bloody piece of rope around my wrist...Plus, I was only dressed in some shorts and a white suit shirt.. Perverted cops.

I walked along, my feet a bit scratched up from all the running I'd done. I wanted to kill someone again.. I hadn't killed anyone in a while.

I was sure the two cops and man were fine back at the jail. Someone would come find them later...I was actually surprised that they had so few cops there. There were a lot of guys in there who needed more supervision then that, really.

I walked for hours until it started to get light. I looked around for somewhere to hide and saw a young man walking towards a building. I followed him, quietly, like it was a normal thing to do. He was tall, about six foot three and his hair was hidden by a cap. He was wearing a long, gray trench coat with sneakers.. Hmm. Interesting taste, I suppose..

I followed him up to his room and watched him enter it, locking the door behind himself. I hid in a closet, watching it. It started to get brighter and brighter, and no one came out.. I guessed he was asleep, or not paying attention, so I moved to his door and slowly started to pick the lock. I had some tools hidden in my bra, which is something men don't check. Ha….
I soon had the door unlocked. I waited for a second, then slowly pushed it open before I slipped in and relocked the door, breathing slowly. I listened and heard the sound of someone sleeping and I smiled. I walked slowly into the living room. It looked nice, clean and organized...I pushed some magazines onto the floor and ruffled up his couch pillows before I went to his bathroom. I locked the door and took a shower, removing my clothes before doing so, of course. I scrubbed the blood from my leg, then washed my dirty hair before I slipped out and grabbed a towel. I wrapped it around my body and pulled the bathroom door open and came face to face with the man of the house.

He had these beautiful, lime green eyes that made me smile. He had a strong jaw with soft looking lips and a strong roman nose. I leaned against the wall, watching him.

"What are you doing in my house? in my shower?" he asked, crossing his arms. I admired his strong, muscular chest.

"Oh well, I was dirty and needed a shower." I said, shrugging slightly, brushing my...oh, was it brown or red hair? I'd forgotten, I'd been so dirty for so long...I looked down at my pale hands, surprised by that too...

"Yeah, ok, but why in my house? I don't even know you." he said, frowning. I smiled and patted his chest.

"I'm sure you want to, though." I said, laughing a bit as I moved to pick up my clothes.
"Actually, I'd rather you were out of my house." he said, frowning as he watched me. I looked at him, then shrugged.

"I have to wash theses clothes, then dry off and I'll be gone, ok?" I said, trying to push past him. He grabbed my arms and slammed me against the wall. I squeaked, surprised. He was stronger then I guessed.

"You can't just walk in here and act like you own the place; you picked my lock, messed up my living room and used my shower like it was your own! What is wrong with you?" he asked, speaking calmly. But he couldn't hide his rage from his eyes and I saw it all there.

I grinned. "I'm a crazy person, I can do whatever the hell I want." I said, laughing softly as I tried to wriggle from his grip. He squeezed and I felt my hands go a bit numb...Cutting off the circulation, ouch, that wasn't cool.

"No, you can't; there are rules...and why did you come in here? of all places?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Ouch, you're hurting me!" I said, and for the first time in a long time, I could hear fear in my own voice, not someone else's.

"Good, because I am going to hurt you." he said, then dragged me from the room. He threw me onto his bed, growling. I was kind of confused; he looked very angry, ticked off...pissed. But he hadn't reached for his phone or anything...He had me on his bed now.
He stood at the end of the bed, glaring at me. "What?" I asked, sitting up, fixing my towel over my clean body. "Craving sex or something?" I joked, laughing.

"No, blood...and you smell like it." he said, crawling onto the bed and reaching for my still raw thigh. I blinked, ready to hit his head if he...ooh. He licked my skin.. that felt nice...I sighed, closing my eyes and laying back slowly. He licked over my thigh, sucking gently now and then. I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

…The first I'd had in a long time…

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 29 Jun 2008, 11:34 am / MOOD: Other

You know what I was thinking about today? If a man walked into a McDonalds, or a Burger King...with a gun...and started forcing people to EAT food. Imagine that the cooking continues on this gunman's regime....Whoppers, large fries, chicken sandwiches...customers held at gunpoint being forced to consume the awesome food. The headlines would make me smile "Gunman walks into Burger King - Kills 15 - with Whoppers."...yummy.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 28 Mar 2008, 12:20 am / MOOD: Vampy

 

If you meet the Budah, kill the Budah.

If you meet your father, kill your father.

Free of everything, you are bound by nothing.

Live the life that is given to you.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 28 Mar 2008, 12:17 am / MOOD: Don't Know

If my father dies... should I scar myself to remember?

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 29 Feb 2008, 1:17 pm / MOOD: Don't Know

You promised me love, You promised my life,

I am left to nothing now, because of your strife.

A souless being, with no resolve,

I wander the earth, in search of a call.

A cry for help, one I can answer.

But you still eat at me, just like a cancer.

Ive tried to change, but no matter how hard,

You're still part of me, you are still my scar.

I do as you bid, like a loyal dog.

I've sat at your feet, seeing as you saw.

Now is the time, I crumble to dirt.

Remembering forever, all your delt hurt...

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 12 Jan 2007, 6:51 pm / MOOD: Lonely

I am so weak

I cannot feel.

Because of you

My heart turned steel,

I feel so sick

I still cant see.

All you are

Is pain to me.

You made me numb

I shut them out.

They want me to heal,

I have no doubt.

Did you get what you want?

Is this what I gain?

I was stupid enough ,

To hand you my heart .

You took it from me,

You tore it apart.

I fell to the ground,

It hurt so much.

For a long time,

I yearned for your touch.

I am stronger now,

than I was then.

I let no one close,

I will not bend.

I feel so alone,

I still cant see.

I spoke my mind,

So leave me be.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 24 Dec 2006, 12:40 pm / MOOD: Lonely

I'm lost without you, You're gone forever.

You say you'll see me soon, Which will be never.

My heart is broken, I'll never be whole.

To be without you, Is to be half a soul.

I will always miss you, Remember that much.

Though I never knew you, I miss your touch.

I'm alone in this life, Though I will keep strong.

But to be with you, Is for what I long.

I love you dear brother, Remember this.

Though you left me alone, For Gods gentle kiss.

View Entry | Leave A Comment

DATE: 23 Dec 2006, 8:46 pm / MOOD: Angry

She ran through the alleyways. Tears in her eyes, she came to the end of the town, a great clearing.

A figure stood there in the clearing his long silver hair tied into a horsetail. "I can take the pain away" his voice like a soft breeze.

She didn’t care how he could, she ran to the man standing there. He opened his arms to her as she ran into them. He gentle lifted her head and kissed her softly on the lips.

Then he turned her head to one side, his fangs slid out silently. Her tears had made her soft cheeks wet. He leaned his head down to the nape of her neck and sank his fangs in.

At that moment, she uttered a small cry of pain. Then she closed her eyes as she felt the pain and life drain from her very being.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes "Don’t worry dear one, you will never leave me." He voice still soft as he pulled outs a small silver dagger and made a cut on his chest and pulled her to him and said "Drink little angel."

Her eyes blank, she drank, she drank not knowing that she would loose everything.

 

She was in a field smiling and laughing as he chased her. He had cut his hair to his shoulders, it was loose as the wind played with every strand. She ran out the field and was jumping from tree to tree, Her blood red hair tied in to a tight braid. "What’s the matter Nicholas, are you getting slow," she said laughing as she lost sight of him behind her.

"No," came a reply from in front of her.

She let out a yelp and dropped down to hang on to the tree branch.

Nicholas dropped to face her, "What’s the matter love." he said.

"Nothing, except." she looked down a sad look on her face.

Nicholas came closer to her, wandering what could upset her.

"This" she looked up quickly a cruel smile playing across her crimson lips. She wrapped her legs about his waist and yanked him from his branch to land in to a pool of mud.

"You little vixen." he said starting to stand up again.

"What’s the matter Nicholas." she had turned away from him laughing.

"You think this is funny," he said quizzically.

She replied, "Yes, considering I’m not covered in mud."

He snuck up behind her and grabbed her sides. She let out a yelp as she let go of the branch to fall on top of Nicholas into the mud.

She had landed on his hips, so she was able to have a great view of him. She smiled leaning close to his face gazing deeply into his emerald green eyes.

He leaned up and kissed her gently on her lips.

She sat back up to feel his manhood press against her buttocks, she slid her slender fingers up into his shirt to feel the muscles she knew were hidden there. She ran her fingers down the pale skin that covered his chest and stomach letting her nails dig into his soft flesh.

He let out a moan that just aroused her more. She slid the mud-covered shirt over his head. She sat up again to admire him, though he was covered in mud he was still beautiful.

She ripped her shirt off as well revealing her slender stomach and full breast.

She pressed her body to his, wanting to feel every inch of him. Her ice blue eyes had turned crimson with lust.

She jumped, sitting up as she heard child’s laughter. She let out a low growl, enraged that she would be denied him. She stood her eyes black with rage.

"Selene?" Nicholas asked sitting up.

Selene ignored him jumping into the nearest tree and hopped silently from branch to branch until she came to the children, there were two, a boy and a girl the boy about ten, the girl eight.

She landed in front of the boy and reached out grabbing him by the throat she lifted the boy in the air. Ignoring the girl’s screams. She threw the boy across the field ripping his throat out, spilling the boy’s blood across her bare chest.

Nicholas watched from the tree line as Selene turned to the girl and snatched her up by the hair, Selene’s strands of blood red hair like scars across her pale face.

Selene’s other hand came up to grasp the girl’s shoulder and bare her neck. Her fangs slid out as Selene bit down on the little girl’s neck viciously. The girl tried to scream in pain but just gurgled as her own blood filled her lungs.

When the body went limp Selene just tossed her away like an old rag doll. Selene’s eyes caught Nicholas’s, blood covering her body she slowly walked to him.

Nicholas smiled wickedly, as he handed Selene her shirt back. They retreated back under the line of trees, Nicholas’s arm around Selene’s waist, drawing her to him.

View Entry | Leave A Comment