Dear Stranger, (I said I wasn't gonna' write these anymore.  I lied.  Read if you want.  I'm just posting it cause it makes me feel better for some reason.)

You asked me what was wrong today.  I told you it was nothing, but there was so much more I wanted to say.  I wanted to break down in tears and tell you that you were my problem.  I wanted to tell you that the recurring dreams I’ve had in the past couple of weeks are driving me insane.  I wanted to scream “don’t marry her”.  I wanted to collapse in front of you and let you see me in pain, agony, and I wanted to tear my heart out of my chest and throw it at you.

Once upon a time, I learned so many valuable lessons from you.  Once upon a time, all I wanted to do was know you, to love you, to hang on your every word.   Then she came along.  Then I watched as you pulled away from everything we started to discuss, and bottled everything up.

I knew your life fell apart, and all I wanted to do was hug you, and tell you everything would be ok, but there she was, ready give you that extra push.  It shouldn’t be her.  It should be me.  I want to tell you so bad that you were my knight in shining armor, and that now that I look at you, I see aluminum foil. I realize you only wanted to be that knight, until the wolves came along and you could feed me to them.  I realized that she was the glowing light in the lake that King Arthur so foolishly followed.  Look where that landed him.

Sure, I should give up this foolish belief that I will ever have you, and for a time, I tried, but then the dreams got worse.  I was the friend on the side that watched you propose to the other girl, and I was the girl that in the end, had her chest ripped open, and their emotions scattered everywhere but where they should be.  I was the friend that you didn’t want anymore, because of some stupid girl.  Really, I just want rest.  I want to lay in bed at night, and for once, just lay there, numb.  I don’t want the pain anymore.  I don’t want the tears.  I don’t want the nightmares.  I don’t want to wake up with a soaked pillow.  I want to wake up and feel refreshed.  I want to go to work, and not lose my train of thought thinking about what USED to be.  I want things to go back to normal.  No, I don’t want normal. I want you.  I want everything there is to you, and I want you to know that you’re my everything.  You’re my good, my bad.  You’re my ice cream when I’m depressed. You’re my exciting, and my boring.  You’re the name I look for when I log in.  You’re the person I want to see every second of the day.  Someday, maybe… maybe….no.  I GIVE UP.

*sigh* that felt good.